he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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