My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
