Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
