turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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