So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
