Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How does one acquire holy water?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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