I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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