On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
