I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
