She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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