So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
