So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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