god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
