Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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