am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My vagina is officially offended.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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