i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
