I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
