i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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