Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
