I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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