if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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