hotel room ftw
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
