boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
