New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
