I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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