If that was your dad, he is hot
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
