It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
