My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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