Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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