Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
