so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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