i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
