It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
