Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
