I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
this is an emotional support booty call
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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