Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
