she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He passed out mid-signature
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
