swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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