I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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