The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
