He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
