That's intense
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
third nipple confirmed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
