think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
