rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
