Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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