Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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