Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
