i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bring me that man meat
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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