wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
