This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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