My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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