I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
