If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
