so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
