drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
