I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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