Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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