i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So many bounce houses so little time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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