im drinking this country out of the recession.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
