I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
