so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
