she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
