There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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