Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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