Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
