I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize