i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
