butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
