what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
