Someone shit on the floor
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
